Pulse

I am learning to love like God.

For a while it seemed like I did nothing but question God. I questioned His motives for me. I questioned why I struggle with certain particular sins while others have never even been tempted by that certain serpent. In the face of a very uncertain future, I had a lot of questions.

And I still do. I still have so many unanswered questions, as should all Christians. We should never have anything completely figured out. We should be like the children, Christ reminds us; open, trusting, abounding in awe and wonder.

But questions, without a pause for answers following them, are useless. That's what I was doing, and I think that's what a lot of Christians do. We are quick to question, to doubt, to test God. Yet where is the silence in the Christian faith? Is this a gift solely reserved for the Hindus and Buddhists? Hour upon hour of silent contemplative prayer, I witnessed much of this during my travels throughout Eastern religion. Where is that still, and most importantly, small voice?

When I tired of questions, I pooled them all into one. "God, can I have your heart? Not just to witness it on the cross, but to have it merge into mine, to take up residence within my chest?" Ok, so technically that's two questions but you understand my point. It can be so difficult as a Christian for me to fully wonder what God's heart is truly like. And why, upon, asking, am I not allowed to possess it. For if we seek, so there we should find right? Isn't the heart of God overflowing with love, with justice, with compassion and hope and beauty? Aren't we told this?

Then why is God holding this back from us?

I have always been a fan of good guitarists everywhere. I have always wanted to be that guy, the one on stage performing the 7 or 8 minute guitar solo. Like David Gilmour from Pink Floyd performing Comfortably Numb during Live at Pulse, for instance. I can see the look on his face when he plays. We all know the look. That moment when something greater steps down into the scene and takes over. When music grows and twists around the soul like a vine climbing a tree, merging into it, adding into it. I want to be in that scene.

I know that the only way to have a scene like that for myself, to experience it all, would be to have David Gilmour teach me that song exactly as he plays it note for note. He could give me his guitar, but we see how useless that would be. Sure, at first, I would be overwhelmed to hold it, to wonder at the potential it holds. Yet, a few minutes in, it would become painfully clear that I have no idea what I am doing. But practice makes perfect, as we've been taught our whole life, and I am certain that with Mr. Gilmour and enough time, I could play that song for myself. I could experience what he gets to experience. Not only that, once I learned every last bit of the song, I could expand on it, always remembering the notes that carry it. I could have that.

So I am learning to love like God.

I am learning to listen to the still small voice whenever I hear it. I am learning to be MADLY in love with the living God. I am learning to remember that God created the Earth and said it was GOOD, so good in fact the same soil I stand on will one day support His throne. And most importantly, I am learning just how much God loves people. God cares immensely about every last human being on the face of the earth. So if I want to love like God, and God loves everyone, then the solution is really simple.

Love my neighbors. Love my family. Love my friends. Love my coworkers. Love every customer that steps into my store. Love the people in my church. Love my enemies. Love those who have betrayed me. Love every person who denies the very name of God. Love every person I will never meet, and pray endless blessings upon every last one of them.

I am learning to love like God, and in that way, learning how to love God Himself, and learning how much God loves ME.

There are still questions, and thats OK. It is never going to be easy to do anything the way God does it. But God has told us we can be like him, just like him. He has faith in us, and that is SO empowering. He knows that we can play the song the way he does.

I just need to learn that next note.